New Zealand (Weekly) Update #102

Last updated on September 17, 2025

23rd of June 2025 to 02nd of September 2025

Approximate reading time: 15-25 minutes

Lets get it started

It’s a cloudy day in Dunedin, windy and with a little drizzle every now and then. Sammy and I have been on the road for almost a week now. Yes, we left Wanaka at the end of August. Left most of our stuff behind. Left friends behind. Left Charlie, the Border Collie we dog-sat for a couple of weeks, behind. And we packed the car with what was left over, some food, our clothes, and a rough idea of where to go for the next couple of weeks. And then we drove out of Wanaka. And now I am sitting in this very car in Dunedin. Sammy is checking out Larnach Castle, a great place to spend some hours at – I saw it two years ago already on my own little road trip and was keen for a coffee in Portobello, a small area by the ocean close to the castle. But as per usual, everything is closed and now I am just sitting in the passenger seat of the car, hoping for a long-life battery on my laptop and writing down some stuff, processing the last couple of weeks, looking forwards, backwards, and somehow also in between.

The weather is like the mood, like the emotions, thoughts, dreams. It’s constantly changing, sometimes beautiful and full of peace, sometimes rough, windy, shaking. Up and down. Bright and dark. Flowing. Sometimes like a washing machine. But the funny thing is – and this reminds me of an image I saw ages ago – life, and everything in between, sometimes is like this very washing machine. In order to get clean, things have to be shaken first. Have to be turned inside out. Have to be on a rollercoaster for a while. And this “for a while” might feel like forever. But like a washing machine cycle, everything else will come to an end. Will change. Will become clean again. Just to be used and to get dirty. And to go for another round of rollercoaster-soap-squishy-fun.

Wanaka – a summary

What a ride. Almost three years I have lived in this beautiful area that I have called my home. That I thought could be the place I would settle down. A place where I found peace, where I found great nature, the awesome outdoors, where I found so much of myself. Where I discovered new thoughts, new challenges, new places, a new me. Where I found new friends, new colleagues, new companions, new people I call part of my international family. Where I faced so many physical challenges like marathons, triathlons, multi-day hikes, and so much more. A place where I found so much joy, where I found my passion for kombucha brewing. Where I found out that sharing this passion is much more than just a bottle of fermented liquid.

A place where I unbecome, where I let go. A place where I was able to forgive. Not just other people, but myself for sometimes not having been able to think otherwise, to say otherwise, or to act otherwise. A place where I realized that because of all those things I experienced, faced, was challenged by, was pushed down by, or tried to be destroyed by – because of all those things I am now able to write down all those thoughts and to share all these things. Not to impress, not to depress, not to brag. But to inspire, to share, to process and also to motivate, to smile, to cry, to dream. And also to show that travelling is more than just happy days and outdoor fun.

Looking back at three years of Wanaka – it has been all of the above. But furthermore, it has been a never-ending and constant challenge. A constant battle with employers, the immigration system, the fight for justice, the sometimes never-ending thoughts of “What the fuck” and “Are you fucking kidding me”. My journey is full of immigration traps, breaches of employment, immigration, and tax law. A story full of moments where people, as we say in Germany, would just shake their heads because it seems to be out of a movie. And it felt and still feels like most of these things are just not very real.

The last three years of New Zealand are also a story of unfair treatment, of pushbacks, of rejection, missing accountability and fraud. Betrayal. And along this way, I also lost some friends. The last three years in New Zealand, especially in Wanaka (as I was stuck because of my visa situation), have been this very washing machine I was talking about earlier on. And whenever I thought the washing cycle was over and I was about to get out of the machine, another cycle would just start as someone pushed the button again. Another round, another cycle, another go. And looking back, I don’t feel very clean yet, but I can feel the reality of change. The reality of letting go. Of moving on. Of trying to stop holding onto things that are not worth it anymore.

I am not saying I will stop fighting – justice is one of my deep, deep core values and I believe that justice and balance will come to everyone, sooner or later. Karma, as I believe, is a crucial part of our universe. And even though we might not see this justice or balance in person or know about it due to facts or gossip, I believe that it happens all the time. Small and big, silent and loud, sooner or later.

Is Wanaka the place where I settle down and set up a family, a base, a life? Two years ago I probably would have said “Fuck yeah, you bet”. Right now, it doesn’t feel right. It doesn’t feel like my happy place anymore. It is, and it already was months ago, time to move on. Time to explore, time to travel. Time to realize that Wanaka is not the bellybutton of the universe (and here we go with another German saying, I think we Germans need to put everything into images, aye?). Wanaka is a beautiful place, full of opportunities, nature, great people, full of adventure. But it is also full of change (change is great and inevitable, but it changes way too fast). It becomes more and more expensive, it fills up with more and more rich entitled people and it becomes harder and harder to make a living if you are not working in real estate, the stock market or have a huge inheritance from this popular unknown uncle who recently passed away (if I have one of those, may your life be long and happy, spend all your money and travel the world mate – I don’t want your cash!).

Over the last couple of months, I felt this strong need of leaving, of moving on – it might sound like running away but for me it feels more like an approach towards something. I have no idea towards what. But as with everything in life, sometimes you don’t need to explain or overanalyze or overthink – you just need to do it. Whatever this “it” is. As per usual, the universe will reveal opportunities, options, chances, people, and places sooner or later.

Thank you Wanaka for being my happy place, my friend, my teacher, my comfort zone, my angel and devil, my home.

After-Retreat blues

If you have read the last blog entry, you probably also read the section about my silence retreat two months ago in Auckland. About the positive impact I felt afterwards. About this calming feeling of peace, joy, balance and a very healthy “I do not give a fuck” attitude (without being arrogant or not caring about others or how my actions would affect others, of course). Well, this was the cycle of being in the dryer, in a nice warm cycle of comfort and belly rubs.

And of course, as per usual, things change. And those changes came slowly, hidden and masked again as my good old friend – depression. And for those who did not know about this fact already, here we go. I deal with depression – not a light nor a severe one – something in between, probably something called functional depression – which means I can deal with all my tasks, job, challenges, admin, social life and whatever else there is to do. But every now and then, the depression hits and knocks me out, numbs me, makes me doubt everything (starting from early childhood decisions up to the question why I am even writing about all of this and if people would judge me for that).

For someone not dealing with real depression it is almost impossible to describe. It is NOT just a feeling of being sad or tired or something that you just “have to go through” or “get over it” or “just do something”. And it has nothing to do with being lazy or just not active enough. All those things are very much useless in order to describe the challenges that come with depression.

A lot of people try to find the right expression/description to make depression more understandable for everyone. And I have found some that might help you to understand it in a better way. Just pick your poison:

“People think depression is sadness. That it’s crying and dressing in black. But people are wrong. Depression is a constant feeling of being numb. It’s being numb to life. You wake up in the morning just to go back to bed again.”

“A big part of depression is feeling really lonely, even if you’re in a room of a million people.”

“Sleep isn’t just sleep anymore, it’s an escape.”

“Depression is a lot like drowning, except that you can see everyone else around you breathing.”

“Depression is the most unpleasant thing I have ever experienced. It is the absence of being able to envisage (face) that you will ever be happy again. The absence of hope. That very deadened feeling, which is so very different from feeling sad. Sad hurts, but it’s a healthy feeling. It is a necessary thing to feel. Depression is very different.”

I hope one or the other description of how it feels to deal with depression makes sense for you (or maybe not, as again it is very hard to really describe it in detail). But it’s real. Invisible. Hideous. Silent. Crawling. It consumes you, it takes your energy away like an invisible vampire sucking out of you every feeling of being happy, of being hopeful, of being worthy. Maybe another good image is the dementors of Harry Potter, actually J.K. Rowling’s way of expressing how she sees depression. A soul- and happiness-sucking creature. And this creature does not show any mercy, no matter who you are, what you do, how you feel, how you think.

I would love to say a piece of chocolate is the answer to deal with it (spoiler alert: chocolate is not the solution, but sometimes so very yummy!).

For me, dealing with depression is, and will be, a life-long journey. A life-long challenge. And in the last couple of weeks, the creature sneaked back into my life. Made me sit on the couch for days and doubt my life, doubt my purpose, my value, my every decision. My every action. Made me not go out, not be social, not be active. Made me think and feel that it is much better to just sit there, to just watch stupid videos all day long and convinced me that sitting there is the best and safest option of all those million options in the world.

Why even bother to have a walk outside? I need to get up from the couch. I need to put the shoes on. I need to put a jacket on! I need to walk out the door where it might be a bit colder, maybe windy, maybe it starts to rain! Maybe I bump into someone and this person wants to talk! Or even worse, they will say something mean! Or even worse, it will be more than just one person! They will make you feel even worse! Make you doubt even more! We better stay inside and avoid all of those possible threats and just be safe here, sitting here, watching things we have already seen. Nothing bad, no threat, no harm.

Depression sucks – depression is an asshole, depression consumes.

And trying to fight those thoughts (which are depression thoughts, not mind thoughts or real thoughts) is exhausting and takes a lot of energy, a lot of understanding, empathy, and time. And sometimes, I lose this fight, I give in to those thoughts when they hit hard. Knowing that just giving in is not the solution to “win” against the depression. But for me, there is no “win” or “lose”.

I see depression as a compass. Something that tells me that something has to change, that something has to move on, that something needs attention and action. I try not to see depression as my enemy anymore but rather as my guest. As someone (or something) who stays with me for a while, who I can offer a warm place, a hot drink, and a conversation. And sometimes, the depression is just trying to show or tell me something I haven’t seen yet or have tried to avoid for too long. Or something I haven’t been able to decide yet, out of fear or out of missing information.

I believe depression is a way of the body to ask for change, to ask for action, to ask for attention, empathy, sympathy, and love. And I can tell you, the more I try to fight the depression, the harder it hits back – either with more numbness, more doubt, more abuse of whatsoever or even with very, very dark and bad thoughts (which are thoughts only).

But again, seeing depression as part of my compass made me realise that it helped me to take action, to move on, to go on my pilgrimage, to go overseas and take the opportunity to work in New Zealand, to publish my book, to keep fighting for justice, to keep going even when shit hit hard and also to take action and leave Wanaka for something new. Whatever it is – it might not be better or worse – but it will be different for sure.

Auf Wiedersehen, Wanaka!

So here we are, we have left Wanaka. And Wanaka made it really hard to leave. Actually, I wanted to leave weeks, months ago, I felt trapped. Ready to roll. Ready to move on. Ready to explore. But, life had other plans. Sammy had to sort out certain things, she also has family in Wanaka and the area around. And she had to sort out some more work. And I agreed to stay a little longer. Kind of angry, as I wanted to move on and felt a bit stuck – but it turned out being the right decision. We have found our first dog/housesit that we managed to do through a platform called TrustedHouseSitters. Kind of Tinder, just for petowners and people who want to take care of the pet. And it turned out, that the dog we wanted to sit in Wanaka was the one I have already met last year. Charlie, the dog who ran along the streeds alone and the one who I picked up and took him with me. And of course I have found the owners a day later, and this is how they remembered us and this is how they decided to take us on board to be their housesitters. And what a journey this was! We took care of Charlie for almost 4 weeks, had the whole houseto ourselves, a diesel fireplace (yeah, that is a thing and it works sooo good), a warm bed and heaps of space. And as Sammy had to work most of the times, I took care of Charlie, took him for walks, howled with him every morning and evening, cuddled with him and spoiled him with some treats, twice a dog wash and some funny shots by the fire and the house. He was the champion of the lakefront, chasing all those ducks, once I caucht him snacking a whole dead rabbit in the backyard (and I was wondering why he did not touch his dinner for two days – bloody bastard!). And while we took care of Charlie, we were able to say goodbye properly to some great people having a goodbye pub brawl at one of our favorite pubs „The Albie“, ended up with some very pleasant game nights with good friends and we were able to also have a last cold plunch in the lake with Thomas before he left Wanaka and made his way back home to the Czech Republik – I will miss this big one, what a loyal and awesome friend he was and is! And just before we said goodbye, a friend of ours, Sarah, gave us the option to stay at her small sleepout for another week to finally sort out our stuff, to sell my car and to get ready to roll. Looking back, I could not ask for more, I am so very grateful for all those people, for all those unexpected moments, gamennights, spontaneous barbeques and hugs from so many people, friends and family. My and our social cup is full!

Hitting the road on Thursday 28th of August – time to say goodby to Wanaka. And it was a goodbye – while the sun was shining, it started to rain. Even Wanaka was not sure how to feel, neither was I. I felt numb, tired, happy, excited, ready, exhausted, terrified. A full mix of washing ready to get clean and to be shaken again. And so we went off to our little adventure around the south island. A couple of weeks of travelling in our little car, with a mattress setup, some drawers, some new hiking equipment and a lot of ideas and plans (and even more no plans!)

Hit the road, Jack! (aka Sammy and Felix)

First stop – Oamaru – east coast of the south island, with some vibrant victorian history and some sunshine. We spent our first hours driving along the scenic roads, having a couple of stops here and there, taking some pictures while figuring out where to stay. In New Zealand, you have certain options where to stay, motorparks, campsites, off the road if allowed. And if you are a self-contained car (usually with a toiled) you have more options. With the Honda CRV setup, we have no space for a toilet, so we have less options. We ended up in a DOC (Department of Conservation) campsite by a little river. Arriving after sunset, we got ready for dinner (burned rice with lots of herbs – damn you small pot – we will replace you woth a proper one!) and our first night in the car (technically the second as we tried it already weeks ago but of course first night of the roadtrip). And well, what to say. Lots and lots of dreams, a bit more space would be great to strech properly, but cozy and warm enough for two people. Not too bad considering we carry all of our lives with us now and we do not even drive a proper van!

Next day, time for some culture in Oamaru. So we checked out the victorian street, tested an old bycicle (which had a stand so you can not fall off) and had some B-Quality cheesburgers with an aweseome view (we thought why not cheesburger our way through the south island and checking out for the best burger available). Some more groceries, some more trial and error with curtains and another night on a DOC campsite – Trotters Gorge. But this time, it was closed due to wet grounds. So we ended up staying at a campsite in Moeraki village. Hot showers, close to the beach and a proper kitchen – awesome! A bottle of wine by the beach and 40 minutes later, we ended up in the local tavern, enjoying a beer and some talks about the next days. And made our way along the coast the next day, watching seals and birds, walking along the famous Moearki Boulder beach (of course barefoot, grounds you aye) and ending up on a free campsite close to our first overnight hike – Silverpeak Circuit Track – of course we did not go to bed before checking out the local pub in Waitati – and cuddling with a cute dog by the fire.

New day, new adventure – time for our first overnight-hike – and this one was a beauty! Called the silverpeak circuit track, its just a couple of minutes away from Dunedin, but still a very remote and challenging hike. 28km, two huts, and heaps and heaps of meters up and down. And it contains the so called devils staircase, a steep section, exposed and still so beautiful. In rainy and windy conditions, this hike can become very dangerous – but not for us- Weatherforceast was perfect, so we ended up making our way form the carpark all along the beautful ridgelines, along wetland, muddy tracks, slippery sections and through the bush. 7 hours straight, 18 km and 1400m of elevation. And we ended up in this beautiful little hut, two bunk beds and no fire place – this gonna be a chilly night (remember, it is still winter in New Zealand). But we came prepared! Some good rice with curry, a bottle of wine and of course snackies, snackies, snackies. And soem warm sleeping bags and sleeping bag liners – you don’t want to be cold out in the backcountry aye!

The next day, sore muscles included, we had to make our way back to the carpark. „Only“ 9km“ of track, mostly along a little creek, slightly up and down all the time, forrest feeling. But walking up the last steep track for one kilometer was a pain in the ass! So steep, so fucking steep! And then we have reached the carpark – sooo good! So happy, and finished our first overnight hike together. Ready for some big city vibes in Dunedin, a vibrant student town with some culture! Beers, burgers and a comfortable bed in a hostel! The dream! And of course, a well deserved hot shower after three days (to be honest, I did not feel too bad after not having a shower for three days even after sweating a lot along the hike – but you cann ot really beat a good hot shower though).

And today, 02.09.2025, we enjoyed some culture and went to the free public gallery in Dunedin and aftewards Sammy enjoyed the Larnach caslte for a couple of hours (I started writing the blog as I have seen this already before). And smart as I am – I forgot to turn the lights of the car off (there is no display light or noise when you leave the car). And when I was supposed to pick her up – bidum. Nothing. Battery flat. Faboulus! Fortunately, there was a gas station next to where I have parked to write my blog, and the guys helped out with a jumpstart – back to business. and back on the road! And ready for more. More adventure. More experiences. More cheeseburger. More road. More life.

What else to say?

So this is it. The end of a long long journey in Wanaka. The end of almost three years of ups and downs and win and lose. Of happieness, joy and great adventures. Of new friends, new familiy, new jobs, new experiences. And it is the beginning of a new journey across the south island. At least for a couple of weeks. We do not know yet where we finally will end up for the summer – we have some ideas and some options. But for now, we travel, we explore, we enjoy, we do not rush, we do not overplan or overanalyze. We just do as we go. Learn as we go. Fail as we go. But we go (or drive or hike). And we keep going.

See you folks, sending hugs, energy, love and a big smile from Dunedin!
Your DingyInternational
Felix