New Zealand Weekly Update #14

Last updated on Februar 4, 2023

23rd of January until 29th of January 2023

Approximate reading time: 10 minutes

About regrets

When I worked for the big company Zeiss more than one year ago, there has been almost no day I was not sad. Almost no day without crying. Lonely in the office. At home in front of the laptop. Or just in between meetings. Because I was not living the live I wanted to live. The company gave me a great job. Amazing payment. A really big opportunity for a career. A nice laptop. And my collegues have been so amazing!
And then, from time to time, I received E-Mails from the canyoning company I work for from time to time. And got aware of that they are searching for guides. And I read all those mails and was even more sad. Because I felt stuck. I felt stuck in this job without the opportunity to work as a canyoning guide. To follow my passion. To follor my belly (or guts, what would be the better word). I tried to not listen to the voice of my belly. I thought it must be normal to feel like that when you start a new job. So I kept working for the company, not following the inner voice. And ended up in a really bad condition. Job contract cancelled after 8 months. Jobless. No idea what to do. No idea where to go. Hopeless.
And after several months of depression, self criticism and shame I decided to follow the voice of my belly again. And started guiding. And I ended up in beautiful New Zealand! In beautiful Wanaka. In this amazing, unique and wonderful area!
And I feel alive! I feel happiness. I feel energy, motivation, hope and I start dreaming again. Having new ideas, new plans.
So why this section is called regrets?
The only thing in that story I regret? That I did not listen to this inner voice. To my belly. To this certain feeling that something is completely wrong. I listend to collegues, to friends, to family. „You just have to get used to it“. „Your feelings are normal if you start a new job“. „You’ll be fine“. „It’s gonna be okay“.
Well, I know – they just want the best for you! So I listend to them rather to my belly.
I regret, that I did not follow this voice much earlier. Because this voice has been right. Somethign was wrong. Completely wrong. And as time was moving on, it became worse. Until a certain point where I was not able to handle it anymore.
Since then, I started listen to this voice much more carefully. Asking myself if a decision is just made up by my mind or also by all of me. If the decision feels right and if no, why. If there is a certain feeling of being excited about the decision, not afraid. If there are some small butterflies flying around in my belly.
The worst what could happen to me is regret. Regret to not try. Regret to not give it a chance. Regret to not be able anymore.
I donÄt want to regret, I want to experience, to live, to see, to explore. And to decide rather I want to keep going, do it again or keep it as a once-in-a-lifetime memory.
For most things in life, it is never too late. For most things in life, you can choose to do them. To get ouf your comfort zone. To explore. To live.

Doing your best

The other day, I had a really intense conversation with Amélie, a friend of mine, I already told you about. We talked about our family history, childhood, struggles and what we’ve learned out of it. And I told her a little bit about my story, about the difficult relationship to my „mother“ (as I don’t call her anymore like that – there is no reason anymore), about being avoided, being beaten, about moving away from home at the age of 15. And about living together with my older brother in a flat, just us. About my struggles that I had with my other brothers as they lived together with my dad and my stepmother in another flat. And I never understood why. I started becoming angry, as my brother and I never had the experience of a „normal“ family live. No daily structures. Just trying to do our best. And I started getting angry with my dad as well as I never understood his decisions as well – how would I be able to? I am not in his position. I don’t have any children and it is not for me to judge.
And after months and months of therapy, talks, many emotions, I started to rethink my anger, my rage, my emotions. Not to mercy any of the decisions, if they have been right or wrong. But to decide to become a better me, to don’t allow my past to affect the present and the future.
All of us just try to to our best. Every single day. Try to make the best decisions. Trying to put the most effort in everything. Trying to be the best friend, the best partner, the best parent. Trying to not make any mistakes, no wrong decisions, to failure.
But of course, on a certain point, we will fail – this is just a matter of time.
Almost nobody want to harm someone else. Almost nobody wants to hurt another person. Almost nobody wants something really bad for another person.
But sometimes, we make mistakes, wrong decisions, wrong moves. And sometimes we just become aware of that quite late. Several days later. Weeks. Months. Years. Sometimes never. The only thing what we can do from this moment on? Live with it. Try to learn from this experience. Try to improve. Try to avoid the same mistake again. Talk about the decisions, the mistakes, the emotions, the reasons. And try to listen. Try to feel the other person. Try to understand.
Why all this? To reduce the emotions from the past. To reduce their power to affect your future. To find inner peace with your past. Because that’s what it is.
Past.
Over.
Gone.
Bye Bye.
Time to move on. Time to future. Time to you!
Pretty deep blog talk today, right? 🙂

Isthmus Peak Hike

Tuesday, after a big canyoning day, we decided to go for another hike with our sleeping bags, hiking sticks and some food. Because Daniel was about to leave soon and we agreed that we need to have another hike together before he make his way back to Germany. And this time, we choosed Isthmus Peak. Not as popular as Roys Peak. Not as crowded. And a little further away from Wanaka (about 25 minutes to the direction of Haast Pass area).
19.45, let’s go for a hike. Sunset at 21.30… so there is not much time left. Jerome, Daniel and I started the hike up to Isthmus Peak, more than 1000m in elevation.
So we made our way up to the top. And guys! What a hike! Lake Hawea behind you, sheep and deer on your way. Different mountains and hills ahead, on your side. Partly walking in the shade, partly in the sun. Sometimes steep, then flat, then steep again. And when you think „just around this corner and it’s done“ there is another elevation just waiting for you. Isthmus Peak, you must be kidding!
I stopped almost every 100 meters to enjoy the view around, the view up, the view down. This hike is special, natural and wow! And the last section is definitly my favorite, as you can see Lake Hawea on your right side and Lake Wanaka on your left side while running up the last meters to the top. And hell it is winsy outta there. And we made it on time! Sunset ahead, food in the bagpack, matress underneath.
Music on, open your eyes and your mind and enjoy! This view, this mountain, this landscape. Body, mind and soul – they just fill up with energy, with live, with gratitude.
And sleeping on a mountain with a clear sky is unique. Even if you are tired, you have to look up, to look around, to enjoy. And to loose your breath. Every single time.
Guys, watch out the video and enjoy Isthmus Peak – no more words needed. Cheers!

What else to say?

Finally, I’ve found my own Bialetty coffee maker! At wastebusters! For 15 NZD. In Germany we would say „Des is e schnäpperle!“ (means like good price hehe). And finally, I am allowed to guide intermediate trips alone now, what an achievement 🙂
And well…what to say. I fell in love with New Zealand, with Wanaka, with this energy and this landscape. And I want to stay. I want to explore more. To see more. To feel more. And I think it is the right time, the right place, the right me. So thatswhy I will have a look for options to work here after the canyoning season is over.
Don’t get me wrong guys. I miss my family and friends in Germany. A lot. I miss them. The talks with them. Doing sports with them. Going to a bar with them. Hug them. Being together with them.
But: I also love to be here, to be much more myself than I was in Germany. And I just want to listen to my belly – and he tells me, well he screams, to stay. To stay outside the uncomfortable comfort zone (and for me this comfort zone was way too uncomfortable). To explore. To live this life further on. To be full of new and crazy ideas.
Well, thats it guys.

Happy to „see“ you next week, hopefully a little earlier (I know this weeks blog is a little late, I was on an overnight hike the last day and I am still a little tired, forgive me hehe).

Your DingyInternational
Felix

PS: Canada is still in my mind and the process for the visa is ongoing. Will keep you updated as well for that. 🙂