New Zealand Weekly Update #87

Last updated on Juli 1, 2024

17th of June to 23th of June 2024

Approximate reading time: 5 minutes

Lets get it started

While doing some lanes at the pools two days ago, I have met an old friend from months ago, Thomas. A guys we have done a big hike with, French Ridge Hut. This was last year in March! Ages ago. And it feels like ages ago. It feels like a different life. Still working for the canyoning company, being outdoors every single day. Not knowing that I will work as an optician again, not knowing how to stay in New Zealand, not even thinking about the option of residency. But here were are. And right know, I do not have a fucking clue what to do with the residency. It feels like almost two years ago before I got the option to move to New Zealand. I did not know what to do with my life, where to go, what to work. It felt like kind of an identity crisis. Trying to figure out who I am, who I wanna be and what I need to let go off to become a better version of myself.
And right now, I feel quite the same. I feel like there is change ahead. The air smells like change. Like something is coming soon. Is showing up. Is revealing itself. But it might not be the time yet for the change to show up.

You’ll never walk alone

Thursday, I went to the movies with a friend I have met here in Wanaka. She has seen one of my posts looking for a new house and one of my pictures I have uploaded shows me at the end of my Camino. So she would send me a message and we started talking about our experiences. She did the camino two years ago, so did I. And we would talk about our experiences, about the things that we had to let go, that we learned, that we still need to work on. And how the Camino became such an important part of our live. And it is amazing, to talk about your experience with other people. But only people, who have walked this way will fully understand all the emotions, struggles, thoughts, doubts. All the things that come with walking such a long way. And so we went to this movie, kind of a documentary about the French Camino. About an old fella, being very stubborn to walk it. With a painful knee. With wrong hiking poles. With almost no idea what he put himself into. But with joy, with curiosity, with an open heart and with asking a lot of questions.
And it made me think, why I started the Camino. Why I miss it sometimes so very much. And why it is in my mind almost every day and why I had this idea of sharing all those stories. People have so many different reasons to walk.
Some people do it for fun. Some people want to escape. Some people want to let go. Some people want to run away from something. Some people are looking for answers. And other are looking for the right questions. Some people just do not know what else to do. Some people are feeling lost. Some people want to be close to nature. Some people want to suffer a little bit from time to time. Some people feel so very empty, so they try to fill their cup with something beautiful. Some people are looking for connections, for talks, for communication.
And the way offers something to everyone of them. We would open up to complete strangers in the middle of the way. We would talk about our most secret desires, our fears, our traumas. We would open up so fast to people that we do not even know for five minutes. And they would do the same. And this is something beautiful about the way. You can speak things out, you can share them without being afraid of being judged. And if you want to, you can walk parts of the way with others or you can walk it on your own, alone.
The way breaks you. It pushes you down. It takes away all of your energy.
And it refills you again. It gives back more energy than it took away from you. In the very best moments. In those moments when you think you can not keep going. In moments when you want to give up. In moments when you are ready to receive.

What else to say?

Watching the movie about the Camino took me back to great memories. To painful memories. To memories that are still painful and that I still need to work on. And on things I still need to let go. And it reminds me of the fact, that even everyone of us might be walking the same way, everyone of us will end of on a different destination. As it is the same with the Camino. The physical way is the same for each and everyone of us. But the things that we are experiencing, that we are thinking, feeling and learning are different for everyone of us. And so it is with the way of life, isn’t it?

Your DingyInternational
Felix