New Zealand Weekly Update #17

Last updated on März 12, 2023

13th of February until 19th of February 2023

Approximate reading time: 8 minutes

Lets get it started

Sometimes, life is good. Surprising. New. Amazing. And full of good and enjoyable moments. So it was for me the last weeks in New Zealand. Full of good memories. Full of „it could be always like that“.
And sometimes, life is also bad. Sad. Full of doubts. Full of „what the fuck is going on right now“ moments. So it is for me right now.
Imagine, you meet a new person. Just by accident. And you know that this person gonna be special for you. You don’t know why but you can feel it. You talk to each other. Again and again. Chat about different stuff. Partly deep stuff. And you feel kind of connected. And you feel that the person might feel the same. You go out, you see each other again and build up kind of a more deep relationship. You get great feedback. You feel amazing. Loved. Important. You feel weak and strong at the same moment.
And you try your best to be gentle. Friendly. Supportive. Respectful. Loveley. You try to pay attention and try to make the person feel as much comfortable as possible around you. And you start to talk about feelings, about love. About a serious relationship.
And out of the sudden, for whatever reason, the person changes. Keeps a little more distance to you every single day. Starts to complain about small things, you feel uncomfortable. Useless. Worthless. Because you don’t know why the person is different. Maybe something is going wrong. Maybe it’s to much? Too fast? To much responsibility? To scary?
Your guts yell at you: „Pay attention, it’s gonna be hard soon“. But you don’t listen as you built up some deep emotions for this person. And you still think and hope that it’s gonna be better soon as there might be just some stuff going on in the mind of this person. And you keep going trying to be as best as possible. To understand. To be patient.
And boooom. It’s getting even worse. The person starts to make you responsible for bad moments, bad emotions, bad thoughts. Tries to make you feel even more worthless and hurts your feelings. And you realise in one single moment that your guts have been right. Again. That something is going wrong. Was wrong. But you were not able to see it (or you just closed your eyes or you have been blind due to your emotions). And then the person leaves you. Ignores you. Doesn’t give a shit about you anymore after weeks of „you are important to me“ and „I feel so comfortable around you“ and „I miss you“ moments and messages.
Well, unfortunatelly, it’s not just a story to imagine. It happend. It is m story right now. And it’s painful. And now, even though I know not to do it, I suffer. A lot.
As I tried to be the best version of myself. As I tried to do everything in the right way. In a good way. In a way I believe you should do to a person which means a lot to you. Because the person is worth it. Every single effort. Every single second.
And still…it was not enough. It was not good enough. Or maybe it was too much. Too fast.
The happieness is gone at the moment.
The natural smile in my face was and is replaced by a sad face.
And those feelings and thoughts I have at the moment won’t disappear fast.
But they will become less intense day by day. Thats for sure – thanks to time.
I was asking myself quite often what we can do, when we love people who want to leave. No matter how hard you try. No matter how much you invest. No matter whatever. There is no way to make them stay. There is no way to make them feel the same for you as you feel for them. You have to accept that sometimes people just want to go on. Without you. That they might care about you but you are not important enough for them to stay. Even if they feel comfortable around you, with you. Thats it. So? Let them go.
And I found a quite nice text about this topic and I want to share this one with you.

“ Let Them”

Just Let them.
If they want to choose something or someone over you, LET THEM.
If they want to go weeks without talking to you, LET THEM.
If they are okay with never seeing you, LET THEM.
If they are okay with always putting themselves first, LET THEM.
If they are showing you who they are and not what you perceived them to be, LET THEM.
If they want to follow the crowd, LET THEM.
If they want to judge or misunderstand you, LET THEM.
If they act like they can live without you, LET THEM.
If they want to walk out of your life and leave,
hold the door open, AND LET THEM.

Let them lose you.
You were never theirs, because you were always your own. 
So let them.

On the Road

Anyway, lets talk about some adventures in New Zealand, as there have been some this week. And it was great even with those feelings and thoughts from above. On wednesday, we started our roadtrip to Tekapo. With a nice and cozy van full of sweet furniture. Along the red bridge and into beautiful nature. Along lightblue lakes surrounded by stunning mountains and straight to Tekapo. In Tekapo itself, you can find Hotpots, a sweet little church by the lake and a famous observatory to watch the nightsky, as there is almost no light polution. Tekapo itself is a quite small city but stunning. Sitting by the lake, listening to the nature and watching seaguls flying along this gorgeous water is peaceful and healing as well.

Going for a nice sushi for the evening and then driving to the first campsite of the roadtrip. Lake Alexandrina Campsite, about 10 minutes driving from Tekapo. Officially, with 36 spaces for campervans. But after #17 there was no #18. Or #19. They moved on with #84. Well, anyway, we just decided to park at #84 and stay here. Just some more people around with other campervans. And silent. Dark water color and a little bit of rain. Cozy and comfortable as well. The next morning, we had some guests with us while having breakfast and we shared some of it to them as well (and they have been really happy about it 🙂 )
Again Tekapo, this time with sun and clear sky. Swimming in the lake, building some dstone sculptures and just enjoing being off. And we had a really nice breakfast in Tekapo at The Creedy Cow. If you are around, go for it, stunning tasty!
And we moved on to the next campground, close by the lake Pukaki. Enjoying the sunset, the nightsky and silent moments.
The last day of our roadtrip, we moved to the area of Mt. Cook and we walked to the Hookers Lake, a lake feeded by the glacier. Dusty gray water and fu**ing cold. About 3° Celsius. And I just decided to have a little and short swim in the lake. Refreshing and like needles on yur skin. Brrrrr.
What to say about a roadtrip in a van? Do it. It’s freedom. It’s cozy. It’s memorable. It’s different. It’s something you’ll never forget anymore 🙂

What else to say?

Well, as you can see at the first section, this has been a tough week. Tough days. Intense. Full of doubts. Full of emotions. Full of sad moments. But living abroad is not always about good and great moments. Sometimes it is full of shit. Full of „in you face, eat this“ moments. Full of „fuck off“.
And it is full of „it will never be good again“. But lets be honest. It will be good again. It will be great again. And it will be full of people that appreciate. That love to share. That care. That are much more than just people to me.
By the way, I just sold my car. If you remember, the clutch need a replacement and it was way to expensive and not useful to do that. And as I am able to drive to work with the company car its quite nice to have one problem less 🙂
And I am still waiting for the answer of the WHV for Canada – fingers crossed.

Have a great week and see you next week.
Your DingyInternational
Felix