New Zealand Weekly Update #74

18th of March to 24th of March 2024

Approximate reading time: 5 minutes

Lets get it started

Well, only two messages from friends the last week to ask me if I got married. Early april fool was not working pretty well 🙂 I am still stoked from that shoot and Katarina did an amazing job! As soon as her new webpage is online I am so very happy to share it with you guys. In the meantime, lets talk about the week and some thoughts. As usual, busy times at work, I miss our collegue Erina quite a lot. Even though she is only in her early 20s, she did a real great job. Usually structured, we had some fun conversations from time to time and she supported them team in a really good and fresh way. And I am still waiting for immigration to confirm my residency. Well, „still“. I have sent my application 3 weeks ago. And I am in New Zealand now for 17 months. So „still“ is quite a word. Already would be way better. And what comes with residency? Freedom. Change. Choices. Decisions. Which I havent made yet. Whats next? Whats new? What to leave behind? Questions questions questions here in the most beautiful spot on earth. As I said in my last weeks blog. Maybe it is time for change. To move on. To leave something behind. To let go. And to risk. To embrace the unknown.

Yesterday, I woke up at 6AM in the morning, on my day off! Not just for fun but to go for a mission with Tony and a friend of him, Flora. We started the day at 7AM with some coffee in Scroggin, a cheese scone (with butter yum yum) and then we made our way to the campsite close to the Neck, behind Lake Hawea. The plan was to hike up all the way to Sentinel Peak, quite a mission. Steep. Partly Exposed. Not all the time with signs along the way and some narrow and slippery sections.

Up up up, all the way up. Sunscreen. Some breaks from time to time. Water. And some amazing views for us, stunning and amazing. While Tony and Flora decided to go around a steep and rocky section, I moved straight up, climbing, holding on gras and rocks and made it to the hill of this section. Well, it would have been way easier and more safe to go around this one, but whats the matter? After four hours, we have reached the second last hill and there was one more hour to go. And on that point, I decided to take a long nap, to rest and to not move on with my group. I decided to enjoy. Music. Sleep. Sun. And after 1 hour of rest, I decided to make my way back to the car. Not hiking, this time trailrunning. And it took me 1h and 45 minutes in total to get down. A lot of slips, sometimes I twisted my ankle a wee bit and I sweat a lot. But this was fun! Maybe I should consider trying more trailrunning. You have to focus and plan each step and the next step and the next one. Otherwise you slip, you trip, you fall, you crash. And for sure, after the hike and a lot of sweat, I had a nice long swim in the lake, while I was waiting for Tony and Flora to come back to the carpark (and they arrived 3 hours later…)

What do we deserve?

Have you ever had the feeling or the thought that you do not deserve what you are about to get, to earn, to receive? Did you ever doubt something someone was offering you? No matter if it is money, support, material, whatever? That you have not worked hard enough for it to receive it, to really „earn“ it?
Well, for me, I had those thoughts quite a lot and often. They are still with me from time to time. Those thoughts have been quite intense while I was working for this big company Zeiss during COVID times. They have paid me a lot of money to be a Training Manager. To tell people how to use devices, how to sell them, to give them details about the measurement modes and about the evaluation. Since I studied and learned all this stuff. And of course due to COVID, most of those meetings and sessions have been online. And while I was sitting on my comfy chair, getting lots of money, people would suffer in hospitals, nurses and doctors would work their ass off to save lifes. And I felt guilty. Not doing someting „real“ or „useful“ to really earn my money. So I suffered more and more, I doubted my job and the pay more and more. And I started to believe that I am not allowed to earn this money.
As you see, all of those things just happend in my head. That was just the inside and the devils talking to me. All the time. And it can be very exhausting – maybe you know those thoughts and emotions. But asking yourself the question, why you have those thoughts and where they are coming from is far more important than the thoughts itself. Why would we doubt ourself. Why do we talk ourselves down? Why do we suffer from something that obviously just happens in our mind?
I think, and this is just speaking for myself, because we never really learned and felt, that we deserve just because we are. Just because we are alive. Because we are breathing and because we are part of this very world right now. I am not talking about just being lazy and getting all those things to live a happ life. I am talking about the fact, that we deserve everything that helps us to become (and unbecome) who we truly are. Who we need to be. And that self-doubt is not part of this process.

I think a better way to deal with those thoughts might be to think about the good we can do with our skills. With the money we get. With the environment we are currently living in. What can we do to improve our life and the life of others a wee bit each and every day? And we should stop asking ourselve the question „Why“, since it would always come with negative answers, we would look for something to prove ourselves that we are not worth the position, not worth the pay, not worth the love, not worth the company.
In fact, we should ask „Why not“. Ask ourselves, what makes us special. What makes us unique. And what makes us good company, good friends, good partners. What abilities and skills do we have to make moments count?
Each and everyone is worth. Important. Part of this very world and life. And each and everyone has something special to give. To share. Even if it is one special moment. Of smiles. Laughs. Or a new idea that comes into our mind because of a statement of another person. Which leads to actions, to changes and to a completly different life.

You deserve happniness.
You deserve to be loved just as you love others.
You desvere everything!

What else to say?

Intense thoughts monday morning with my coffee next to me and some rain outside. Not sure what the day might bring. What to expect. What to do. But it might be the right thing. And to end this weekly blog, some exciting news to share. I just finished my printed version of the Camino book and I ordered two sample books. Which I have sent to Germany and to two very very good friends of mine. To read it through and to share their thoughts and their suggestions for improvement. And afterwards? Getting them book published! A real book, which you can hold in your hands! I am so very excited!
Have a great week fellas, enjoy life. Stop self-doubt and suffer. Stop asking yourself why. Ask yourself „Why not“!

Your DingyInternational
Felix