Last updated on August 15, 2024
Lets get it started
As late as possible this time. This weekly update has been postponed by myself again and again. Working every day. Being out and about almost every day. Trying to enjoy the time with friends and to distract myself. I got some news that hit hard in the beginning of the week and something I had to process. With myself. With others. And with a lot of time in between. And something I still work through. But I already see it as a learning. To trust my gut feeling. To trust energy. To trust myself. And to improve communication. And it also showed me that my community in Wanaka is not as small as I used t think. When you are feeling down and low, you sometimes also feel very lonely. You hide yourself in your little house, on the couch and you just cover yourself with a big blanket. Waiting for the next day to come. Waiting for things to get better. To improve. To feel less painful. But while waiting you miss out on a lot of good things. Suffering won’t change a shit. And in this case time won’t be your best friend. Unless you uncover yourself, get up, get out and get in. Into community. Into adventures. Into communication. You get into it. And so did I. I went out with a nice evening run with a friend I haven’t seen in ages, I went out for a pub quiz with my very good friends Anna, Max and Jess. And their baby Finn, one of the cutest human beings I have met so far. If there is a definition of perfection, this little fella would be very very close. And while playing and giggeling with him, everything else around me was not important anymore. Just holding him, playing with him and making him smile. Happy days. Having a drink with my very good colleague Anna after work. And getting up the mountains on my day off on Sunday. Skiing, for the first time in more than 25 years. And it was NUTS!
And I have watched several videos on youtube. Documentaries. Infomercials. And I cam across this very interesting video about letting go. About how it works. How people would use this statement way to often without even knowing what it means. What it takes. And how to actually let go. How to realize what we need to let go. And what we have to do to honestly let go. To feel the emotions. The triggers. The pain. How to let light into the dark. And how we finally will be able to let go of things that weigh us down. For way too long. Way too much. And that we are usually not even close of being aware of those things. As we mostly just scratch the very surface of all those things, but we usually are not ready to dig deep. To dig deep into this darkness and have a deep look and a deep dive into those demons, anxieties and darkness.
Up the mountains
Sunday morning, time for some adventures. As I said, this has been the first time up the skifields in more than 25 years. But I got all the gear ready. I got a free pass from my good friend Christina who works up the mountains. This day pass is usually around 160 dollars! So off we went. Mike and me. All the gear, some drinks, heaps of smiles and excitement. And what to say folks, this day was just massive. Gorgeous. Beautiful. Sunny and full of great views. And after a short training on the slopes, we went up high and went down again and again and again. And after a couple of rides, I became more and more confident. More speed. Shorter turns. And more and more sore legs. And more and more smiles in my face. Sitting in the lift, having a drink, having some laughs and some great company around me. And I was asking myself why the hell did I never do this before. It took me more than 25 years to realize the beauty of being skiing and to just being up the mountains for a full day. And I will definitely do this again, even if I have to pay 160 dollars for a day. A day full of joy, nature nad great company. Off we go folks!
What else to say?
Letting go is simple. But it ain’t easy. And thinking about this statement right now does not make it very easy. But walking the TA this year is just not possible. I will not be able so save 15000 NZD in three months. Since this is a comfortable amount of money to walk the TA, including days off. Replacement gear. Backup money. And also a little leftover for after the walk. So off we go (not). This decision came and still comes with a lot of pain. Not in a physical way. But in a mental way. Since it was something I was working towards to. Looking towards to. Something that gave me motivation and focus. Something that kept me going through this current situation. With being short staffed for more than two months now. Without any lookout for support in the next couple of weeks. With knowing that I need to save money again, to have enough backup for the challenging times. But there is some light at the end of the tunnel. Since it also means I do not have to save every single penny to make the TA happen this year. I can spend money on adventures. I can spend time with friends, with myself and I can enjoy the time that has been given to me with the decision of not leaving yet.
It ain’t easy, but it ain’t impossible. And it might take away some pressure. Some of the pressure I might have been chasing for way too long. And it might be an opportunity to enjoy special times with special people around me. And it also gives those people the opportunity to spend more time with a special person – me.
See you next week folks!
Your DingyInternational
Felix
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